No More Tears

December 31, 2007. It was supposed to be a wonderful night with friends and happiness to bring in the new year. Everything seemed okay until the evening when I was getting ready to go out and trying to pick out the right outfit. But when I kept pulling all these different shirts, pants, and dresses out of the closet, I kept getting more and more upset because nothing fit right, and I felt fat in everything I put on. I had tried to put on a shirt, and had barely got it on without breaking the seams when I decided to take it off and go with another shirt I had already tried on but finally decided to wear, and I couldn't get the too tight shirt off! I tried and tried, and was starting to cry because I was so frustrated, and then Luke came in the room and I completely broke down. I kept getting more upset that nothing was fitting and had changed into nearly everything in my closet, and nothing was making me feel sexy in any way, and I told Luke how I was feeling. All he could say was "You need to hurry up because we're late," and "I've warned you this would happen someday." He couldn't come up with one nice thing to even try to make me feel better. I knew at that point that I could not let my weight and how I felt about myself hurt me so bad that I was in tears on what's supposed to be such a great night. I was probable close to 200 pounds.

So my New Years Resolution for 2008 was to get my weight under control and feel better about myself and how I looked no matter what I wore. For the first couple of months of 2008 I tried to eat less, and just be more aware of what I was doing with my body. But whenever I would work out and burn 100 calories, I would eat three different things like rice crispy treats or cookies or chips and justify each one of those things by saying I worked out. I quickly realized that wasn't working, and I had a serious problem with accountability. I knew I needed something different.

My mom had done Weight Watchers and succeeded, and then my dad joined later and had succeeded as well. I knew how Weight Watchers worked to a point, and this was something that works for so many people, and maybe that's what I needed was a program to teach me about how I was treating my body. I joined Weight Watchers the first week of March of 2008. I told Luke that I was going to join Weight Watchers, and he didn't want me to spend money on it. I let him know that this was something that I needed to do, and my reasoning behind it. He conceded.

I quickly started dropping the pounds in the first couple of months and could see immediate results that was making me feel better not just with how I looked but with how I felt about the decisions I made with my body. To date I have lost over 30 pounds and have about 20 more to get to my goal weight. I have had my ups and downs with emotions of eating and food this year, and am happy to say that I feel much more educated about my body, how it works, and why I do what I do when I reach for that candy bar, or extra roll at the dinner table. It helps me to think twice about the choices I make with food, before I eat it and after.

December 31, 2008. Such a better day than one year ago. It was a busy day, from working at 7 in the morning to shopping after work to making dinner and working out before going out for the night. I am happy to say that I only put on one dress, and not only was the dress stunning, but so was I. I felt beautiful inside and out. When Luke and I were driving down to the Plaza to meet up with our friends, I looked at him, smiled, and said "Honey, there aren't any tears this year." It felt so good to say that. I know in 2009 I am going to reach my goal weight, and will learn to maintain those healthy habits so there will be no more tears.